What have I done..

Every once in a while life has a way of working all of it's stuff out, a hidden truth uncovered, a deception revealed, lies exposed. Even when things are done with the best intentions, the right thing is what needs to be done. Taking matters into your own hands are unacceptable. You may think you are doing the right thing by protecting someone but in the end your only causing more pain. 

I wanted to save someone from hurt and pain in the end I only caused more. In the end I only made it more painful and more hurtful then if I would have just told them from the start things would have still been painful but not nearly painful as it is now. 

How do I fix it now?? How do I make it better?? How do I heal the wounds? How do I come to terms and help the other come to terms with what was done.  

Everything that I though, everything I told myself was absolutely wrong. My heart is having such a hard time grasping the gravity of what I caused.. 

But I will make it better I will work to restore faith and I will work to prove that I am what they believed in.. 

Plans

I have hope for a future, but my heart is broken and shattered.. I ask God why? But I know he gave me what I asked for.. He answered my prayers now I pray again for the hope and the for the future 

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God knows the and but I will never understand the anguish and hurt that has beset my family. I need His grace his mercy and his love to get through all of it.. And though I don't understand and I hurt more then anyone can ever imagine I know there is an ultimate plan somewhere.. 

It still hurts it will always hurt.. I will always carry this burden. I ache my heart aches my body aches every part of me aches for what I am missing. For what was taken from me far too soon.. 

Sometimes people need to mind their own business. You are trying to cope as best you can. Holding on to any hope any link of possibility. Then people open their mouths and just completely take away everything with one little comment.. And really you just want to tell the person you don't know what it's like to be me so don't even try.. You think you can do better walking in my shoes? I'd like to see you try.. You think you have it all figured out? How?! Cause I can't even wrap my head or heart around it all.. People please think before you speak because listening to your snarky unthought out comments hurt. Do have any idea how much it takes to tell someone how you feel? Then to have a snarky jerk make a dumb comment! Someone really should just smack you upside your head! 

Broken

My heart breaks for what I don't have.. My heart breaks for what I can't not get back.. It's not just broken it's shattered destroyed.. I'm thankful for what I have but I hurt physically hurt for what I have lost. My heart had hope and joy and completion now it feels lost shattered incomplete.. The days still seem to go on but I don't know how I don't know how it's possible to go on with out you.. I stare at your picture. I ask myself how why how did this happen.. I know your here when I get that special smell.. At least I hope it's you.. I only wish I could hold you in my arms longer I would give you more hold you tighter kiss you more.. Every one says don't blame yourself but who else is there to blame.. I hurt so much with out you.. Why can't you come back to me.. Why?? 

How?

They say love heals all wounds. The heart will go on.. But how does this happen when your heart has been ripped away? How do you begin to feel anything other then pain? How do you move on when everything you've been dreaming hoping and longing for came true only to be cruelly taken away all to quickly all to soon and all too suddenly..  How do you get past the pain that is tearing you apart? 

You try to have an optimistic view and at some points you do.. Then the grief and pain slaps you across the face saying here I am this happened! All you want to do is wake up from the bad dream.. You ask what did I do god what did I do to deserve this pain this heartache? 

Other people try to understand but they don't. Their is no way they can unless they have lived it felt it done it. The burning constant nagging pain the envelops your whole body.. No unless you've been there unless you've felt it unless you've lived what I have you don't know you can't claim to know.. I don't ever claim to know how you feel.. Please don't patronize me..