Sometimes people need to mind their own business. You are trying to cope as best you can. Holding on to any hope any link of possibility. Then people open their mouths and just completely take away everything with one little comment.. And really you just want to tell the person you don't know what it's like to be me so don't even try.. You think you can do better walking in my shoes? I'd like to see you try.. You think you have it all figured out? How?! Cause I can't even wrap my head or heart around it all.. People please think before you speak because listening to your snarky unthought out comments hurt. Do have any idea how much it takes to tell someone how you feel? Then to have a snarky jerk make a dumb comment! Someone really should just smack you upside your head! 

Broken

My heart breaks for what I don't have.. My heart breaks for what I can't not get back.. It's not just broken it's shattered destroyed.. I'm thankful for what I have but I hurt physically hurt for what I have lost. My heart had hope and joy and completion now it feels lost shattered incomplete.. The days still seem to go on but I don't know how I don't know how it's possible to go on with out you.. I stare at your picture. I ask myself how why how did this happen.. I know your here when I get that special smell.. At least I hope it's you.. I only wish I could hold you in my arms longer I would give you more hold you tighter kiss you more.. Every one says don't blame yourself but who else is there to blame.. I hurt so much with out you.. Why can't you come back to me.. Why?? 

How?

They say love heals all wounds. The heart will go on.. But how does this happen when your heart has been ripped away? How do you begin to feel anything other then pain? How do you move on when everything you've been dreaming hoping and longing for came true only to be cruelly taken away all to quickly all to soon and all too suddenly..  How do you get past the pain that is tearing you apart? 

You try to have an optimistic view and at some points you do.. Then the grief and pain slaps you across the face saying here I am this happened! All you want to do is wake up from the bad dream.. You ask what did I do god what did I do to deserve this pain this heartache? 

Other people try to understand but they don't. Their is no way they can unless they have lived it felt it done it. The burning constant nagging pain the envelops your whole body.. No unless you've been there unless you've felt it unless you've lived what I have you don't know you can't claim to know.. I don't ever claim to know how you feel.. Please don't patronize me.. 

What people think

People seem to think they "know" you because they have spent time with you. But have they gotten to "know" you the real you the deep down you. People claim to "know" what's going on but haven't talked to me in years. How can you "know" when you don't even "know" who i am where I've been or what I've done or gone through? 

Breaking

What am I gonna do.. I feel inside like I am falling apart like I am losing a battle I can't even begin to fight. The options have sucked from the very beginning. I want to cry I want to scream I wish there was something I could do but there is nothing nothing I can say or do. My heart is breaking. 

7/18/13

Changes

Well I know that life is full of changes but why do the changes have to be so hard. Changes come in all forms ones we want ones we don't want, some that we make ourselves some that others make and some that come from nature. Its not always fair. Not always what we want either. We fight against the changes go with the flow or just sorta feel stuck.. I myself am generally frustrated when a drastic change is forced upon me. It happens frequently and i am not exactly a fan.

May 2, 2012

What a big day! Emily learned how to ride a 2 wheeler, and Joshua rolled over for the first time! It's amazing watching your first ride away on her bike and your baby rolling over in the same day can bring such joy and excitement to your life.

Joshua has the biggest smile its so amazing just like him!