A new year is not a magical reset

New Years resolutions abound, people tell you, oh this next year will be amazing this next year will bring so many good memories. Those people don't have crystal balls those people are just feeding a line that's been fed year after year.  The past few years I went into the new year with the most positive of attitudes it has to be better then the year before right?? HELL NO!! That shit is one great big lie.. The ringing in of a new year doesn't mean there's some magical dial that makes everything good. Things still suck things bad things are still gonna happen. 2014, January hit I lost my son, I now hate the month of January, let's see January alone I've lost a grand mother grand father son a good friend another grandfather, my sister moved to another state.. January is not a great month. Granted I've also had another son and a daughter both born in January. But the new year isn't some magical reset. It doesn't wipe away the pain and grief from the year or years before  for a lot of us it brings about more pain and more grief with the realization of how long our love ones have been gone.. Trying to find the positive in a new year seems to become more difficult as the years go on. I broke down in the grocery store last year on New Year's Eve because I didn't want to have the new year come the new year meant I'd been with out my son for a year. I cried and cried walking through the store because it was so painful to think of. This past year my kids lost their nana so as the new year approaches its going to be a year without her. 

As far as resolutions go most people stop trying and drop their resolutions by mid January. So much for resolutions.! I don't know what this next year will hold I don't know what more could happen, but i know the new year is still too painful to think about still too painful of a reminder of things hat have happened. Yes I know there are good things like birthdays and other holidays but there are still many painful days to get through, I do wish some people would recognize that with the coming of a new year that generates a painful feeling not a good feeling or a feeling of relief.