I was asked last night how many kids I had my immediate response was 6.. I have six living kids that I am shopping for that I am getting things for.. But my actual thought was 7. I have seven kids and I bravely said I've actually had 7 but lost my son. There should be one more another little boy running around well at least learning to walk and toddle around.. A little blonde haired brown eyed little boy, playing carefree screeching with his brothers and sisters. However, I'm resigned to the fact that he is the little Cardinal who flies through our back yard chirping away.. While everything with in me screams there should be one more the one you aren't seeing today.. It breaks my heart that the one more isn't here isn't doing the things he should be, that his brothers and sisters are missing him fiercely.
My heart aches for that one more only having his tiny hand prints and footprints a little teddy bear with an engraved heart with his initials. It's not enough. I'm missing his laugh his cry his possible terrible twos starting to develop his personality, the toddler hugs and kisses. I'm missing so much more then anyone could ever conceive.. With anything that we do or anything I think about I'm always thinking but there should be one more..
One of the kids asked me how will the baby ever know her older brother and that broke my heart. We will just have to tell her about him. But is that enough?? It feels like there should be more only there isn't.
